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3.25.2014

Ask The Gay Bestie Presents: She's The Past, I'm The Future


Does your current boo still communicate with his ex boo?! Well baby our Gay Bestie is here to give you tips on how to handle that situation while still being Bold, Classy & Oh So Sassy! Check out our latest question for The Gay Bestie inside!

Ask The Gay Bestie:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. We get along great but there is only one problem. He is still cool with his ex-girlfriend. They talk on the phone, text each other, and go out to lunch every now and then. He even invited her to his birthday party in a few weeks. Every time I confront him about it he always tells me that they are just friends and I shouldn't worry. I try not to worry but it’s hard. This is driving me crazy and it’s starting to affect our relationship. Am I over reacting? Should I be worried? My friends think I should end it because this isn't normal. What do you think ?

The Gay Bestie:


She’s The Past, I’m The Future

Lets not waste anytime and dive right in! So your boyfriend isn’t only cordial with his ex-girlfriend, but he keeps in contact with her on a regular basis. A situation like this is never pretty from the outside looking in. Begin addressing any insecurities you may have in your own privacy. This will help with figuring out why him seeing her ticks you off the most. Try to understand if it’s built up ager on his behalf, your own thoughts, or the seeds your friends may have planted. Lord knows we allow the opinions of our friends to steer our decision-making out of control sometimes.

Now if the thought of him being with her intimidates or frightens you in any way, shape, or form then it’s a must to face it head on. This all takes strategy. Don’t be the stereotypical crazed girlfriend who’s checking social media, texts, and receipts. Be the girlfriend who maneuvers with grace and gets results. Meaning its your duty to boil down to the root behind what keeping in touch with her does for him. Remember you’ve already addressed this with him, but he hasn’t really answered. It’s time to head to the source. Her.

Yes, go straight up to her. When? And Where? Well his birthday party in a few weeks is the perfect opportunity. Of course you’re not going to make this into an episode of Bad Girls Club because you’re better than that. This is your chance to be charming, gracious, and memorable. Once you meet her treat her as if it were any other family member. Although she’s his past you’re currently his present and potential future. Exhale. When you approach her lead with a smile and introduce yourself. Only do this if your boyfriend hasn’t found the decency to do your introduction. Diffuse any awkwardness by paying a complement to her outfit or shoes without expecting one in return.  You’re still feeling her out, so don’t expect anything-major just keep that charm. Don’t be fake or phony with her because the eyes across the room are on record and ready to report. End the conversation alluding to meeting with her outside the event for lunch with you and your boyfriend.

I know it sounds nuts and unconventional, but this allows you to see it all for yourself. You will be right there in the mix with them. Make it seem like your boyfriend really cherishes her as a friend and you would love to invite her to an outing. Offer her to invite someone too. For example, “You’re more than welcome to bring someone as well.” It’s all about the delivery, so lock up any animosity you may have towards her. This is for you to develop your own opinion. You know the saying keep your enemy closer, so this is your chance to figure out where exactly she lies. Later after the party slide the idea pass your boyfriend. Not only to inform him before her, but to see what he thinks of it. If he attempts to squash the idea of an outing between you all than that’s a RED FLAG.


Most importantly remember that your relationship is your business. Although your friends are great people sometimes their opinions are given unsolicited. At the end of the day he’s dating you not them. Share only what information you’re comfortable saying. Far too many times I’ve seen great budding pairs torn apart due to the opinions of friends and family. Work your issues out with your boyfriend until he gives you a reason to think otherwise. Be happy that he’s comfortable with telling you that he sees her other than doing it behind your back. Refrain from drawing your own conclusions because the truth ALWAYS surfaces. Until then cling to your confidence and intuition with your happiness intact! 

XO

The SASS x The Gay Bestie


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